He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
