My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
