i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
