I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
