Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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