I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am puke
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
