she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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