I am spending my child support on dildos
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Randomize
