Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
