i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
