it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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