Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
