you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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