my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
