You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
