I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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