We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she looked like the before picture.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
