Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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