i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
