I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
