We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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