I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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