Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
