If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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