So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
