Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
