This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
