I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
