I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
