His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
