Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
