STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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