I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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