the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
