God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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