Pants 0. Shit 1.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
