Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
