i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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