It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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