He had one of those small greek statue penises
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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