I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
