Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
