Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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