come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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