a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
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That's how twitter works, right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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