cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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