Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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