see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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