my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
