i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
