I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
