i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
