I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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