i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
