i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
is it fun? or sober?
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